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1017 of 1215 found the following review helpful:
 The Worst Book Ever May 29, 2009
By P. Spangler
"oddsnends"
While I've been known to exaggerate on occasion, I promise you I'm being completely serious when I say Breaking Dawn is the worst book I have ever read. The writing was atrocious, there was no drama and/or real conflict, and Meyer broke her own rules. Repeatedly.
Let's begin, shall we?
First, the writing itself was a huge problem. It's nearly impossible for me to believe Meyer was an English major in college. Maybe she was technically a literature major, but either way, she should have been exposed to enough decent writing to know how to produce it herself. And if she couldln't produce it from her own head, she probably had enough references to replicate it. Instead, Breaking Dawn reads like a terrible fanfiction. Meyer tends to overuse adjectives and adverbs, but does so in the least descriptive way possible. How did Bella look on her wedding day? I couldn't tell you, since Meyer never bothered to describe her dress other than to say it was satin-y. And how about the rest of the wedding ceremony? There were flowers "everywhere" and everyone looked "amazing." Thanks. I can totally picture that.
Bella is also the ultimate Mary Sue, which doesn't help Meyer's writing skills in my eyes. Bella is SO PERFECT. Everyone LOVES HER. Meyer's lame attempts to make Bella relatable by making her clumsy fall flat (pun intended), because the other characters think injury-prone Bella is adorable. Will Charlie object to Bella Sue getting married at 18? Of course not! Will Bella Sue become the most graceful vampire ever, even though she was the world's clumsiest person? You bet! Bella gets everything she wants in Breaking Dawn and sacrifices nothing.
There was also a conspicuous lack of drama and conflict in what should have been an epic conclusion to a series. As I mentioned above, Bella had no problem convincing Charlie that marrying Edward was the right decision. I was expecting more of an objection from the ol' sheriff. Denied. Jacob does make a small attempt to talk Bella out of turning into a vampire, but what could have been another interesting conversation is brushed aside by Bella. Why would she miss anybody she knew as a human? She'll be with her beloved Edward for all eternity; that's all she needs.
The sexy-time was also lacking. I'm not much of a smut fan, but I was hoping for more than a cheezy "fade to black" when Edward and Bella finally do the deed. After three books of anticipation and denial, Meyer doesn't have the balls to give us more than Bella walking toward Edward in the water. Seriously, Meyer? You can show Bella vomiting "a fountain of blood" but kissing before sex is too shocking? Nothing interesting here, folks.
There is also the issue of Bella's pregnancy. Nowhere in the previous three books, and I mean NOWHERE, did Bella mention a desire to be a mother. But as soon as Edward gets his vampire sperm inside her, she decides that motherhood is the most important thing on Earth. (Inconsistent much, Meyer? Another sign of bad writing!) I was expecting Bella to freak out, get angry at Edward, and blame him for ruining her life when she thought she could never get pregnant! But instead, Bella is inexplicably calm and instantly bonds with her "little nudger." Again, any drama that could have been just melted like an ice cube in Death Valley. The plot floats along...
The previously mentioned "fountain of blood" happens when Bella goes into labor. To make a long and rather gruesome story short, the baby almost kills Bella, and would have, had Edward not turned Bella into a vampire. Bella lays on a table for a couple of days until the venom stops her heart. She's dead! Let the crazed baby vampire gather her bearings! She's dangerous right now! Right? Wrong. Bella Sue is the perfect vampire, so graceful and strong. She requires almost no adjustment time, even though Meyer told us in previous books that new vampires are totally out of control. Again, all conflict nipped in the bud.
This leads us to Meyer breaking her own rules. Bella is totally in control of herself as a new vampire even though, according to Meyer's own words, it's totally normal and EXPECTED to have a lenghty adjustment period. Jasper struggled for years, but Bella gets the hang of things in a day. Of course. Meyer breaks the rules so Bella Sue can have her perfect life.
Meyer also gets into a sticky situation with Bella's pregnancy. According to Meyer, speaking through (I believe) Carlisle, vampires don't have any liquid in their bodies except for their venom. Last time I checked, sperm isn't venomous. Getting Bella pregnant should have been impossible if Meyer followed her own rules! That entire plot device (which only served to give Jacob something to imprint on) was an amateurish cop out that I would expect to find in fanfiction, not a novel written by an adult with a college degree.
Oh yeah, they named the baby Renesmee. Vomit.
And then Jacob imprints on it. Double vomit.
Allow me to backtrack for a second. I forgot to mention another scene that should have been exciting but wasn't: the confrontation with the Volturi. Yep, the leaders are back and they want to kill the Cullens for making an "immortal child." Finally, some action! The Cullens invite some vampire friends to gather at their house and fight the Volturi, which should be the epic conflict we've all been waiting for! Except it most definitely is not. It turns out that Bella has a shield she controls with her mind. All the does is put the sheild around everybody and they're impervious to weapons. The Volturi stand around and talk for a while and then... leave.
Breaking Dawn was a letdown in every sense. Meyer's writing didn't improve (it got worse, actually), there wasn't any tension or action, and a lot of the rules established in the first three books got thrown out the window.
Avoid this book at all costs.
(Note: Don't be fooled by the high number of five-star reviews; a lot of them are two sentences long and say things like, "BELLA AND EDWARD ARE IN LOVE!!!!1!11one" They may very well be, but that doesn't make it a good book.)
1341 of 1604 found the following review helpful:
So bad, I want to rewrite it myself Jun 11, 2009
By Chicklet
I started reading this series after I heard a rave review on NPR during their "Guilty Pleasures" segment. The middle-aged gentleman described Twilight with such enthusiasm that I couldn't resist temptation. I bought the four-book set and settled in for a long weekend of reading.
Three days and 2400 pages later, I'd finished the four novels. I adored Twilight, tried not to slap whiny Bella during New Moon, and mostly skimmed through Eclipse trying to get to something interesting. Finally, I got to Breaking Dawn. I have never been so let down by a book in my entire life. I don't even need to go into all the ways that this book was horrible - the other reviewers have done that well. But, here I go anyway:
Wedding - So, Bella's wedding to Edward was not what she wanted, but what she was willing to trade for sex and immortality. The wedding itself was not her vision and in no way represented their unique love, but was instead a fantasy created fully by Alice's vision.
Honeymoon - Meyer is telling us that sex is scary and awful. You will have a lot of pain your first time and your husband, who puts you up on a pedestal, will hate himself for "hurting" you, no matter how yummy delicious it is. Oh, and once you do get some, it's pretty much the only thing you'll want, and your new hubby will reject you, mercilessly, due to his own hang ups. Woo! I gotta get me some of that!
Also, how come it's either a little french kissing or sex? How come no one ever talks about alllll that space in between those two extremes? What a perfect place for her to talk about sex and the implications of it, especially given her target audience.
Pregnancy - You will get pregnant the very first time you have sex. Pregnancy is the most horrible state you will ever experience. It will be stunningly painful as your body is taken over by something that hurts you, and tries to kill you, and eventually chews its way out of you. The bloodbath of child birth is fine - but it says a lot, to me, about Meyer that she can't write the sex, but can write the gore. Or maybe it's about society, and not Meyer at all. Take your pick.
Renesmee - Say it out loud. I dare you. Look, I get what Meyer was trying to convey here about the beauty of having a child, the connection that a newborn's family feels to the child and how fleeting childhood is. But come on! The massive gaps in logic and leaps of faith it takes you to get here are stunning. Stunning. And impossible.
Jacob - Sigh. Poor Jacob. This boy never had an ounce of pride, he submitted it all to Bella, only to find himself a pedophile in the end. How utterly freaking awful. (and yeah, I tried to go with the whole "it's fiction, not pedophilia" but I just couldn't get there. It was creepy.)
The Cullens - Who? No seriously though, Edward had a family? Where were they after page 150?
Renee and Charlie - So, while Renee has been the primary parent and the person that Bella is closest to for the entire series, suddenly she's just...absent. Laaaame. And suddenly Charlie is Bella's first concern, but we've been given absolutely nothing by way of character development to buy into this. Again, I say: Come on!
Editing: Look, I don't know who edited this book, but ZOMG! fire that person. There were so many errors it was distracting. Dialog tagging: use it. Also, adverbs are not your friends. If Bella "shyly" does one more thing, I'm going beat her with her own arm. If you have to tell us that people are chuckling, giggling, that their eyes are "tightening" (wth does that even mean?) then you're failing at description. If you must tell and not show, read some Willa Cather. She gets away with it. You don't. So stop.
Tone: I'm guessing that Meyer took a break from Twilight land to write "The Host" and that's why the entire tone of this novel is off. It just doesn't even sound like it was written by the same person.
At the end of this novel, I wanted to rewrite the whole thing myself. I wanted to see why Bella decided that she would marry Edward. I wanted her to give a damn about the wedding and see some reverence in it. I wanted to see a real deepening in her relationship with Alice. I wanted Esme to be more than just a paper doll mother figure. I wanted a real, honest to goodness sex scene that lived up to three freaking novels worth of some of the steamiest kisses ever. I wanted Bella to pay a price for some of her choices. I wanted that epic battle with the Volturi to actually happen. I wanted someone to die. Meyer cheated us out of the thoughtful endings that we get when good triumphs over evil. That's what makes life sweet, and makes us appreciate what we have - working for it, sacrificing for it.
Bella would have actually wanted to marry Edward. She would have cared about the decorations and Alice would have developed into a real sister, and not some overblown party planner. There would have been real sex - not smutty, but real, nonetheless. Pregnancy would have disappeared. Bella would have had to make the choice - between having babies and having Edward. She would have been cruel to be kind and given Jacob his freedom. Jacob would have grown and gotten over her, and moved on and found real love with someone who loved him back - maybe even Leah, since that ground was laid pretty well. Bella would have spent months being a newborn, filled with nothing but bloodlust. Jessica would be her first victim. The Cullens would have worked tirelessly to help her transform, and we could have gotten to know them all so much better. Rosalie might have died, doing something selfless for once in her life. That would have been doubly meaningful if Meyer rewrites the whole series from Edward's POV (ala Midnight Sun, which in rough draft form is head and shoulders better than Breaking Dawn.) Bella would have to give up Charlie and Renee for a while, but eventually they would be able to be in her life, altho in a much more limited way. There are a million possibilities that could have had a very nice happy ending, with a bit of bitter thrown in with the sweet.
Meyer is a great storyteller and an okay writer. If she gets a better editor and learns some discipline, she could be very good. I found this particular book to be a total betrayal of the earlier books, which is why my review is so harsh. Overall, I hope she keeps going, and I *really* hope she keeps going with Midnight Sun, which so far, I love.
520 of 620 found the following review helpful:
Sickening Dec 10, 2008
By Amanda MD
Sorry about the length of this, but I am absolutely livid about this book. I am angry at myself for reading the trash, but exponentially more furious at Stephenie Meyer for writing it. This book is an insult. If you are a fan of the series, over the age of 12 and/or have an IQ above 50, then DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. PLEASE listen to me. Thank God I didn't spend a penny on it.
Everything that made the romance between Edward and Bella so great has absolutely been destroyed. Gone are the cute, innocent teenagers who fall into an impossible romance in the cafeteria. I don't think I can ever read or watch Twilight again. I mean, I always slightly cringed when it was obvious that a modern teenager had nothing to do with any of these books. (ex. "Holy Crow?" Even my GRANDMOTHER doesn't say that.) Or the sometimes over-the-top sappy exposition and dialogue. But I could deal. But this BOOK. It was like watching my childhood stuffed animal get... um, defiled. It was that horrifying.
I understand the concept of author's prerogative, but ANY author has a responsibility to 1) Keep leaps of logic to a minimum, which definitely excludes some weird, mutant child of the corn, 2) Keep the plots and characters consistent throughout the series within the framework which the author has set up, and 3) Follow basic rules of writing and editing a novel designed for an intelligent audience. All 3 of which were shockingly snubbed in Breaking Dawn.
Please, please, please. Do yourself a favor and stop reading at Eclipse, or better yet, at New Moon or Twilight, and fill in the very few blanks for yourself. I will never criticize an author for having an ambiguous ending again. Just click on "Most Helpful Reviews" and you will see the many, many people who feel the same way.
*SPOILERS AHEAD, but you should probably read this part anyway to realize just how awful this book is*
Here are a few of the many, many problems I have with this book:
1) So Edward and Bella get married and that part's pretty cute, even though I think it would have made more sense to transform her first, since that's how they're planning to spend their marriage. They get married at the very beginning of the book, and Bella doesn't even really want to. She agreed because she wants to get laid. Wow, warms the heart.
Then begins the vomit-inducing 700 pages.
2) Edward and Bella have sex. A lot. Effectively ruining the innocence of their cute romance and turning it into some trashy, thinly-veiled-porn novella you buy at the airport. Sex is at the very least alluded to in almost every scene they have together. They like it. We get it.
But that's not the worst part. Even while she is HUMAN. Um, Edward is a creature who literally turns iron into dust and moves as fast as a speeding car without breaking a sweat. And she wants him to have SEX with her as she is?! How the HELL would that be 1) Enjoyable for him, and 2) Not life-threatening for her?! Not only does Bella whine, manipulate, and cry her way into doing this outrageously stupid and selfish thing (totally decimated my respect for her character), but then Edward, totally out of character, gives into her crap and agrees to TRY. TRY?! Why don't I just TRY to juggle chainsaws?! And for what? So she can GET SOME a little bit ahead of schedule? She can't bear to have her first time unless she's worried about Edward breaking her in HALF?! If I was Edward, had Bella even suggested such a thing I would have first laughed myself silly, then run screaming in the other direction from such a reckless lunatic. That whole thing really pissed me off.
3) Pregnant. 17-year-old vampire Edward and 18-year-old human Bella. Ew. Ew. Ew. I can accept the marriage, because Edward will never get older, and they love each other. But when I got to that part, and both of their reactions to it, I wanted to scream I was so angry. It is just so small and stupid, so out of place in the story, and CONTRIVED. Ugh! As so many other people said, I thought it was Fanfiction I was reading, not a published work, let alone from the actual author. I'm curious as to what Meyer was smoking when she thought this was an appropriate plot line. But it got worse. What suspension of disbelief I had left broke, and I became permanently removed from the story. I began to hate Bella, and resent Edward's cardboard characterization.
4) Their weird mutant spawn literally kills Bella slowly. And she couldn't be more thrilled about it.
The fact that Meyer had made the ridiculously immature, but lovable and relatable teenager Bella PREGNANT was bad enough. But then it is with some weird, unknown mutant parasite, that saps all her strength, breaks several of her bones (including her SPINE) and causes various bruises, and makes her drink HUMAN BLOOD. During Bella's pregnancy, I was literally shuddering with disgust on almost every page. That is not an exaggeration. And I'm 19.
No joke, I was rooting for the wolves to attack the Cullens and kill the thing. Bella and Edward's characters fly so far off their character rails that you can't even see them any more. Bella whole-heartedly embraces the thing while it slowly kills her, and Edward does nothing but hopelessly mope about it.
5) The birth and Bella's transformation.
UGGGGHHHH. This was hands-down the most disturbing passage I have ever read. I had to put the book down to take some deep breaths several times out of anger and disgust, and then wrestle with myself about whether or not to keep reading multiple times on one page. My Edward and Bella. Who fell in love as lab partners, and cutely fought because of their stubborn personalities.
Here, Bella, dieing and screaming in agony, vomits blood while the mutant baby inside of her destroys her body, internal organs and spine. Edward uses his teeth to bite the baby out of her uterus. Bella dies and then Edward injects vampire venom into her heart with a syringe.
This is how Bella starts her new life with him. TOTAL Slap. In. The. Face.
I was ready to drive to Arizona, find Stephenie Meyer's house, and burn it down.
6) Renesmee. This is what Bella names their child. Ruh. Nez. May. A combination of Renee and Esme. Seriously?
Seriously, Stephenie Meyer?
Why didn't you just sell a book that just says, "To all my fans: F%*# YOU."
When Bella tells her father that the baby's middle name is Carlie, I thought, "well, that's not so bad." Then she says that it's a combination of "Charlie" and "Carlisle."
Again, I considered driving to Arizona.
7) Bella as vampire. One of the things that made this series so great was how seemingly-impossible and different the relationship with her and Edward was. She literally had to give up her humanity, her family, and her whole life, in order to have a future with him, but she decided that the love of her life was worth it. It's a difficult, heart-breaking choice and I really liked that. But no. All of a sudden, Bella has it all. She is infinitely more beautiful, graceful, powerful, inexplicably becomes supermom at 18, and still retains all the parts of her humanity she was afraid to lose. She has a child, she stays in Forks, and tells her family. There are mentions of her carrying wads of five thousand dollars like it was chump change, which is BEYOND out of character. Waiters "gasp" at her beauty. She also becomes sickeningly vain. Then they run off to a little storybook cottage her new family has just given her for free, and Edward and Bella "make love" in it like rabbits every chance they get. If Bella had any relatability left, especially for teenagers, she lost it. This also applies to the believability of the story as a whole and the complexity of the Twilight characters.
8) Jacob and Renesmee.
Jacob, the cute and friendly guy (but also rapist-in-training in Eclipse) who is painfully in love with and loyal to Bella, imprints (falls in love with) on her newborn BABY. This is beyond sick and pedophilic. But it's ok. He's willing to "share" the baby with Bella and Edward. Bella and Edward quickly realize this whole thing is great. WHAT the F#*%?!
If it weren't bad enough that this annoyingly perfect child that absolutely everyone in the book ADORES exists, she is destined to be with JACOB. At the end of the book, Edward calls Jacob SON. I just shuddered again WRITING that.
9) The climax, or lack thereof.
After several stupid and pointless pages, and GIANT letdowns with weak plotlines about secret messages and hidden motives that go nowhere, nothing happens. Bella puts up her magical, super-scary mental shield around everyone and all of a sudden the infinitely powerful and wizened vampire royalty runs away, peeing their pants.
In conclusion, Breaking Down is not only literary trash that should have returned from the editor's office soaked in red ink, but it also completely destroys the story as a whole. It makes me sick to my stomach what this book did to Edward and Bella in my mind and everyone else's. I will never read a single page of this absolute rubbish again, and hopefully I'll forget about it in a few years. I pray this book will never make it into theaters.
Do yourself a favor and don't buy this.
345 of 410 found the following review helpful:
Can I give it zero stars? Dec 13, 2008
By GeekGirl
UGH. This whole series was a travesty really, but like any good masochist I plodded through. By the time I got to Breaking Dawn I knew I was in it just for the laughs but sadly, it failed in that department too. I can honestly say this is one of the few books in my life that I've literally had to refrain from throwing against the wall in sheer frustration. There are just so many things WRONG here that it's hard to sum them all up succinctly.
Reasons why this thing almost ended up as wall fodder ( **warning, spoilers below**)
1. Our heroine barely out of high school really REALLY wants to have sex with her sparkly boyfriend. Okay, whatever. There's a catch though. Sparkly boyfriend wants to wait until marriage. Bella doesn't want to get married, in fact the idea utterly repulses her. But sparkly boyfriend just won't let it go and our fearless heroine ends up "caving" because she really, really wants the sex that badly. The whole "engagement" scene amounts to Bella trying to jump him and getting denied, then accepting the ring with a lackluster "sigh....FINE. If that's what It takes to get laid then I'll do it. Give me the ring that I don't want to wear already, damn!!" Really Steph?? That's the best you can do for two people who are supposedly passionately in love?! Nice.
2. Oh and screw college while you're at it. Because who needs an education when your ultimate goal in life is to marry a rich vampire and spend 24/7 with him. What a message to send to your target audience.
3. The Pregnancy. This has to be the saddest excuse of pro-life propaganda disguised as sexy YA fiction ever. If that's your cup of tea then great, you'll really like the first half of this book. If not then be prepared for massive headaches caused by excessive eye-rolling.
4. The Birth. I find it fascinating that the author tiptoes gently over the whole implied sex thing, yet goes above and beyond (wayyyy above and wayyyy beyond) to make sure the Miracle of Childbirth is depicted in a way that would make the makers of the Saw movie franchise proud. If the readers were expecting no less than a monster bloodaholic baby to come out of this romantic union, then this delivers (no pun intended). I will give Meyers credit in that she definitely has a promising future in the horror/scifi genre.
5. A Dingo Ate My Baby? No honey, that's just the werewolf imprinting himself on the newborn. But the Cullens have more important things to worry about, like keeping Bella away from her newborn lest she find the Bundle of Joy appetizing. To her credit though Bella isn't exactly down with the whole imprinting thing at first. That is, until she realizes that having your kid get engaged to the family dog means a built-in babysitter and thus more time for sex with Edward. Awesome.
6. Vampire p*ssing contest. What happens for the rest of the book is pretty much pointless, as the whole thing gears up to to be one big showdown that never amounts to anything. Basically the leaders of the vampire underworld, the Volturi, aren't down with Bellaward's freaky kid and plot to destroy them all. So the Cullens gather their frenemies to lead into battle Lord of the Rings style. Except the battle doesn't happen, except in Bella's and the Volturi leader's minds. Because now that Bella is a vamp she has super awesome magical powers like an invisible shield that she spreads over the frenemies to protect them from an equally freaky vampire that can make them pretend they are in pain. And then they all live happily ever after. Not joking.
179 of 211 found the following review helpful:
And she would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling IQs above 40. Dec 23, 2008
By Sleepless Leah
So, I guess that consistency, logic and entertainment were out of the question, then?
I was never a rabid fan of this series. Seriously. Why? Because, let's be honest, they're not, and never were, well-written. It has always felt like a fan fiction to me. The way the books are written in first person, the way the main character is proclaimed to be (not really ever BEING it, though) and the way every single character acts around her, always made me feel like an intruder in Stephenie Meyer's deep wet fantasies. And yes, I noticed. I noticed how you were supposed to insert yourself in Isabella's shoes (ahah!) to make it your OWN fantasy. Durr, I see what you did thar!!
"Why did you read it then, stoopid?" - you might ask.
Well, I might answer, though they were never the great books they were hyped out to be, and Meyer still isn't the best writer evah (not even the greatest storyteller, in my opinion) and these series is not (or should not be) best-selling material, they were fairly entertaining. They were simple, entertaining, simple and entertaining. That's it. A good escape read. So yes, I kept reading them; if only so that I could get some closure on the story and the complete set of the series (I hate incomplete series on my bookshelf).
My opinion never changed, though. It only grew stronger and became more and more confirmed by Meyer herself with each new book. I don't hate the author. I just don't think she deserves this much attention. I mean it. Her writing doesn't even sound to me as a college literature graduated one. These books are only successful because a LOT of teenage girls and bored housewives lived through Meyer's fantasy as their own: a simple, regular girl (*ahem* you!) draws the attention of hot, mysterious, popular and rich guy. Not only that but she's the ONLY one he ever got interested in (in 107 years! Really?! Talk about dead hormones and some serious sex issues!) AND everyone seems to love you AND you get some action in your life, during which you can play damsel in distress (over and over and over and over again!) and be saved by hot guy, ALWAYS. YAY! Fantasy fulfilling time!
Twilight was, when compared to the others, good. The best of the series, I think. Maybe that's because it is the beginning and as so, it didn't ask so much for all those pesky things like: consistent characterization, character development and continuity. Then, the other books needed it much more. Oh noes! New Moon was bo-ring. And honestly, annoying. With all the Romeo and Juliet pseudo-crap! Bella showed herself as being even weaker, needier, dumber and more pathetic than previously. I don't think I ever saw a character go back in development before but, alas, she did. And Edward too. I didn't find it endearing that he tried to kill himself. Nor did I find attractive that Jacob was all around the place moping for Bella. Can you spell pathetic? As in, the most pathetic, needy and weak characters' cast in the history of ever? Eclipse just accentuated that so much more. Is there anyone with a personality in here, somewhere? And a strong one at that? Why can't, any of the main three characters, really stand up for themselves (and for the right reasons), grow a spine and stop being so damn miserable? Why can't they just grow and be strong and go away from what's hurting them? These characters and their interactions with each other remind more of a bunch of drug addicts and their drugs. Because Meyer's characters are addicted to each other.
Breaking Dawn just delved deeper and deeper into the waters of mediocrity. Its continuity with the other books is zero. Everything that produced even the tiniest spark of thought in my brain on the other books was totally erased, stepped on and vomited by Bella in this thing. Serves me right for trying to think at all about the previous themes of choice, sacrifice and consequence. How dare I, trying to take something actually meaningful from this series...
Breaking Dawn was worse because it made me laugh when I don't think I was supposed to. Also, it reached new degrees of disgusting, all in the wrong places. It was so uninteresting; it was painful to read sometimes. Never before had I ever had to force myself to keep turning pages. It was also way too long. How can anyone say so much about nothing, I will never know. I seriously doubt this was edited at all. Heck, I almost doubt even Meyer herself read it more than once. Grammatical mistakes, bad and sloppy writing, obvious OOCness, all mistakes that can NOT be in a best selling product. Heavy chunks and entire sections could and should be erased. My biologist's heart weeps for all those poor innocent trees. IF an editor looked at this thing I would like to meet this person and ask him/her what the hell...?! And also what were you high on, because it must be good.
It's the final book in a best-selling series, yet it's extremely and amazingly amateurish. All the bad choices were taken. Not to mention that it's a YA romance novel that it's neither YA nor romantic. Meyer says she never wrote a YA book in her life. Really?? Well, my darling, then either you're not the one writing this or someone doesn't know what the hell they're doing. Because they are being sold as much, so you have to write to YA. Not the case with this book.
The Positive:
-Leah and Seth ruled! They were fun and interesting and had a personality.
-Jacob also ruled until the sad, sad end.
-Jacob's chapter titles actually made me smile.
-The final scene with Edward and Bella because it was the only shadow of romance and the only bit in the entire lengthy book where they were like their previous selves. AND maybe by entering her mind Eddie will finally understand how boring Bella is. Take that, Edwarckle! Yeah, I had to put up with that for four books! And you'll have to put up with her for eternity! Ahah! Not to mention it was the final scene!
The Negative:
-Everything freaking else.
Now, on to the marvellous piece of WTF known as "plot".
The wedding was... meh. Short, uninspired and under described.
The honeymoon was an unsexy joke. I did stop finding it funny when she started begging for sex. Way to go Bells, I guess dignity isn't in your dictionary. And the sex was... also meh. THAT was what everyone's been waiting for?! Thanks, Steph, I could barely contain myself with all the burning passion, desire and sensuality of that. When childish kisses and innocent holding are more sensual than the actual making of the love, you know you are in for one long crappy romance.
The pregnancy was the biggest ridiculousness in the entire life of ridiculous. OMFGWTF?! I don't even care about the impossibility of it all, but as soon as she started with all the chromosomal mumbo-jumbo, a lonely tear of anger made its way out of my biologist's eye. It was sad, all that ignorance. Leave science out of it, damn it! Darwin actually rolled on his deathbed.
Jacob's book was a bunch of wah wah wah wah wah wah, but as I already noted, Leah and Seth were cool. I was annoyed that Jake had to go back to selfish Bella and more so with Edward just giving her away for sex. Well, I guess I would want to give her away too. But I actually enjoyed understanding Jacob better because he was cool (until the sad, sad end) and I love his sarcasm! I don't love that he loves Beauty Swan. I wish Leah would've smashed the crap out of her instead of just making her cry, but oh well. I was rooting and cheering for Leah all the way! Seriously, it was about time that someone told Bella how lame and selfish and unbearable she is.
Now, the birth scene. Can you say YUCK? I actually felt nauseated! Gross! Was that really necessary? Oh, and the ripping uterus with teeth thing? So romantic! Way to go, Meyer, you destroyed the last shred of hotness that Edwarckle might've still had at this point. Eww! "Fountain of blood" ... I was prepared to vomit a fountain of actual vomit! And then, after all that, we're supposed to just love cutey pie Renesmee?! She's NOT adorable, she's freaky and creepy. Oh, and the loving scene when a mother holds her child in her arms for the first time? Nope, the creepo mutant alien thingy just bite her! Oh, predator, where are you?
The transformation was a disappointment. The vampire Bella was a disappointment. Of course she is the most beautiful, graceful, controlled, perfect vampire ever! Wow, Steph, another opportunity for character development completely destroyed. The transformation and the newborn phase, had they been made correctly, could've been a great time for struggle and pain and development of depth to both Bella and Edward alone, not to mention it was perfect to mature and take their relationship to a higher level of depth and connection. But, no. Just throw that away! The only thing that was done was make Bella even more annoying and perfect. Oh, and of course she had to have a power. A lame one, but still. Was I the only one waiting for a romantic, passionate but still difficult scene between Edward and Bella? One when he would actually bite her?
Oh, and the motherly and fatherly vibes that I got from Renesfreaky's parents were just amazing. I wish Edward and Bella would adopt me so I could be conveniently passed on to Rosalie and Jacob whenever they wanted to get it on - vampire style!
The imprinting ... God! I don't even want to go there. Again, another opportunity for growth and development for Jacob completely raped and chewed on. Wouldn't it be great if he just resisted the imprinting crap thing? And actually fell in love? Remember all his talk about not wanting to give up on his free will? Yeah, she basically just stepped over it, shred it to pieces and set it on fire. Because, you know, who wants to have freedom, anyway? Not to mention how severely disturbing it is that he imprinted on the child of his former target of obsession. AND the fact that the thing is still an infant. Well, he's just going to have to raise it until it's ready! ARGH!
The new vampires were more of the same wah wah wah. And useless one, for that matter.
The battle was the most epic non-battle that I have ever not-read. It was just disappointing. I only wanted for someone to die (and, please, Irina-whoever does NOT count)! Or at least suffer a little bit! God forbid, Stephenie, God forbid there's actually some sacrifice or pain or struggle. It was lame and *yawn*.
The cheesy happy ending was the saddest of all happy endings ever. Yes, absolutely EVERYONE got EVERYTHING without giving up ANYTHING. No one deserved it. No one. It was all so sparkly and happy, with rainbows and unicorns, all so sweet and candy that I think I got diabetes by just reading it.
Now, the characters. Are you expecting to find any of the ones you met in the earlier books? Well, stop deceiving yourself, because you are not going to find them here. They're simply gone.
Bella has got to be the most annoying main character ever. And I refuse to use the word "heroine" because she just isn't. She's whiny; she's selfish, immature and embarrassingly weak and needy. I just can't understand why everyone, including Edward and Jacob, love her so much. It's amazing, though, that without many qualities and so many faults she still manages to be the perfect Mary-Sue. She's the sparkliest, most beautiful, perfect and most special and purest snowflake you can find. If sparkly, beautiful, perfect, special and pure snowflakes had a name it would be Bella. For now on, every time it snows, I'll just call it "snowbells". It makes me sick.
Edward was reduced to a pathetic shell of self hatred, hidden in a pool of his own miserable impossible tears. Not sexy, at all! Maybe it's just my Latin-Oriental roots talking, but really, cold and hard marble who just weeps in misery without stepping up and taking action just isn't my type. I don't want a man who just gives me what I want blindly and gives in to my every whim; I want one who can give me what I NEED and who can step up against me when necessary. Well, I guess I just find strong personalities hotter, it's a matter of taste.
Jacob was the ONLY developed character in this series. He actually had a personality, and a fun one! Ironically, he's the one character that Meyer wasn't planning on developing. Whoops! Well, he got butchered on the end with the imprinting thing and is now stuck to Bella and Renespooky for eternity so... I guess he got what he deserved for having depth.
Renesmee... I think we're supposed to love her. Aren't we? I just love mutant babies that grow with repulsing speed, are born with teeth, chew their way out of mommy, drink blood and read. Such cuties. Again, I cannot understand why everyone loves her so damn much. I guess the Sueish gene runs in the family. She got that from her mommy.
Leah and Seth were awesome. Too bad they were not even considered for development. Leah just... well, stayed there, I guess. She was developing a good, real relationship with Jacob but then ... Puff! Sucks to be you, Leah! Maybe if Meyer had inserted herself in your shoes she wouldn't have to do this.
The Cullens weren't there. Period. And when they were, they were so out of character it actually gave me physical pain. I don't even remember reading Esme's name, except in that idiot island's one.
The humans are just GONE. Minus Charlie, but after what she did to him, I wish she would've just lost him somewhere like she did to Renee, Jessica, Angela, Mike and Ben. Because, you know, humans just aren't good enough to be in this dazzling book.
The Vulturi ... Oh Mother of God.
In conclusion, it was a mess. A big, sloppy, illogical, unprofessional, uninteresting and unedited mess. I won't even go into all the messages and innuendos out there because honestly I don't even know if she understands them herself. And I'm tired of talking about this.
Read it if you must, but borrow from someone or get it from the library.
I am sorry for the lengthy review but hey, Meyer does it lengthy - ALWAYS - and somehow it seems to be working for her.
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